the little dorkett's journal

Sometimes, I feel like such a fool.
*shrugs*

I know that when you grow up, your friends move away, get married, have kids, have their own life, right? That is what is expected. But that doesn't mean that it is hard to take. I feel as if EVERYONE that means so much to me is leaving in some form. And it is breaking my heart. But I am going to have to stomach through it. I don't want to hold anyone back. I am just incredibly lonely. I kinda went to bed feeling a fraction of this emotion, only to awake in a pool of it.
I don't really know what to do. I hope they don't forget about me. I love them all.

So yesterday, I bought Switchfoot tickets. Now, I am starting to get nervous kinda almost regreting it. Well, maybe not that extreme because I started listening to their music recently and they put me in a peaceful happy mood. But when I looked up the tickets in Ticket Master it said Jars Of Clay was performing also. But when I bought the tickets, their names weren't on them. I am not too worried about it. Third Day is another band perforiming. I only hearn one song of them that I liked, so I am also worried that their other songs blow. I am worried that everyone might change their minds on going. and i am worried about the drive. I have never planned an event like this. This is nothing compare to my stupid Halloween parties. Maybe I am just worried about nothing. Or just the fact that new things can scare the crap out of me because I never know what to expect. I have only been to two concerts before in my life, and I never had to even think about tickets, time departure, traffic and directions. I am not even sure if Courtney and Mikey are even going to enjoy themselves. I am not even sure if we are going to have someone take the fourth ticket. I spent a lot of time finding the best deal for the best seats. *sigh*
Just breathe.
Sorry sometimes I overthink stuff and I spazz out. I really just want everyone to have a good time.

I lost my Grandmother Blinn's engagement ring that she gave me two years ago about 5 months ago. And I have been praying for months for God to help me find it. Yesterday, I was cleaning my room (I know it is a never ending task for me) and right by Belle's food bowl, a tiny diamond ring was on the floor. I am so thankful. You have no idea how much this ring means to me.

Around 10 o'clock last night, right before night consumed the sky, I went outside in the backyard to let the doggies do their business before we went for bed. So I am in my own little world, just thinking about random stuff, and I just happen to glance up at one of my neighbor's house window.

At first, I thought that I see a dark tannish figure sitting in the dark staring at me. However, I tried just shrugging the thought because I have a very over-active imagination. So I continue to wait for the puppies to piddle.

A couple of minutes later, in the corner of my eye, I then saw this bright blue light come from this window. So then I try to look harder and figure out if a person was really there.

The figure MOVED! And it looked like it was pointing something at me. By this point, I am kind of freaking out. "Is he taking pictures? Is there a gun in his hand?" Those were just a couple of thoughts going through my head.

So I let the dogs inside, and I climbed up the stairs and went to my bed and just lay there thinking about getting ready for bed. I just happen to look out my window, and I could see his window and right into his room from my bed.

By this time, I had to call my closest friends and freak out because, well, at times I can over-react, so I wanted their opinion on the situation.

What's your's?

Life is pretty interesting now a days. Well, maybe just different.

It has been a whole year since I have had a boyfriend. I am kinda proud of that. I think I prooved to myself that I don't NEED a guy. They are just nice to have. :P However, it would be nice to go on a date from time to time. But I am in no hurry. I am trying to enjoy life.

My 22nd birthday kinda seemed like just a usual ordinary day. For the few exemptions: Cake, Cookies, Singing birthday card, extra money, birthday steak, and S'mores. The steak was really good though. The first one was so spicey that my nose started to run and my gums and tongue started to throb. Haha. It was good. I was kinda sad that some ppl forgot about the Big 22.

The ppl at work hurt my feelings that day too. They were making fun of my singing behind my back. Them making fun of my singing isn't what hurt me, just the fact that I trusted all 5 of them and they were making fun of me behind my back is what hurt. I was baffled. They don't even know me. I am sitting all alone in a store while they all congregate and have a hoot n nanny at Monroe. I love karaoking. And them saying mean things isn't going to make me stop. If you don't like my singing then don't listen to it. I think some days I am a pretty good singer.

Sorry, I just wanted to get that out one last time.

So, I have been listening to the internet radio thing recently. And I think I want to see Switchfoot in concert. I really like the songs that this radio station is playing of them. Plus they put me in a good mood.

Last Tuesday, I had so much fun. Evansville, Kempo, and Movie back to back. INTENSE!!

For all those who wished me a happy birthday, Thank you. It truly means a lot to me.

The Challenge:

* Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
* See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another! (2.b., 2.c., etc...)
* Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.

The answers


1. Had a vaccum cleaner suck and scrape the majority or skin off of the bottom of my right big toe.
2. Went to Florida for a week but only left the condo for three days.
3. Blows raspberry on Belle's tummy.


P.s. I want to hang out with ppl on my birthday!!

1. Five celebrities you currently have a 'liking' for.

A. Ryan Renolds
B. Ryan Gosling
C. Milo Ventimiglia
D. Johnny Depp
E. Jum Carrey

2. Three things you look for in a person.

A. OPEN MINDEDNESS!!!!
B. Similar interest
C. Kindness

3. Three TV shows genres.

A. Sci-Fi/Fantasy
B. Drama
C. Horror

4. Three things you would change about yourself.

A. The way how I see my self.
B. Stop being a perfectionist
C. To accomplish things that I want to do before I die.

5. Three favourite TV shows.

Currently on:
A. America's Next Dance Crew (I like to watch ppl dance.)
B. Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (I am embarrassed to admit that.)
C. I don't watch much television

Ever:
A. Popular
B. Charmed
C. Angel


6. Three most wanted cars.

A. Some nice looking red convertible
B. Green Suv
C. Jeep Liberty


7. Three favourite animals.

A. Frogs
B. Puppies
C. Toucans

8. Three favourite colors.

A. Emerald Green
B. Teal
C. Black

9. Two genres of Fan Fiction / Story you would recommend for someone to write.

A. I don't read fanfic
B.

10. Your lucky number.
Well I am not sure if it is lucky, but I love the number 2



So, Eight days until my birthday. Every year I start to feel this way. I worried and get a little sad that ppl might not remember it. So far, no one has let me know if we have any plans or going to hang together other than Carleen. I have a few ideas as to what I want to do. Oh well, maybe I am just being silly.

So, I know my birthday isn't until another 19 more days, But I saw this on Whitney's myspace page for her birthday and thought that this is just the cutest thing ever.

Last Saturday, my bosses invited the whole staff for a swimming party at their house. I really want to go swimming, but I hate how I hold myself back from things that I want to do. I am trying really hard to work on my self image. I am even seeing some progress. Just taking a long time. I hope I will be where I want to be in August so I can salvage some summer.

*Sigh*
This really is a stupid post.

So I was a foot away from becoming a pancake this morning on the way to work.

So other than my butt hurting, this whole riding my bike to work instead of driving is a great idea. Not only do you run into some nice ppl, but while I rode by Huck's on St. Clair, I saw the gas prices and how much they went up, and I didn't poop myself. I really didn't care. I have ridden my bike to work all week some far, and walked to most places that I usually would just drive to. I love this feeling. However, this does mean the trips to E-ville and Indy will be more costly. However, if I am saving this much during the week, then I can afford to go there.

But I am not looking forward to when the weather gets warmer. I <3 A.C.

P.s. my nosey is a hurtin too. Not sure why.

So I spent an amazing day with Carleen last night. We just couldn't shut up the first three hours together. I missed the vagina. They get me more than the penis. Being able to just open up and just pouring out everything that has been getting on my nerves and current events was just amazing.

But getting back to the title of the post. Recently, I have been doing a lot of thinking, which we know can get me into trouble. But with this job, I find myself with more time to actually be able to do stuff that I wanted to do like 5 years ago. I want to pursue with music. I don't really care what I do. I want to learn how to dance. I would like to take vocal lessons and have a intense voice (or at least the best voice I can have). I would also like to learn how to play the piano or guitar.

Eventually, I would love to be able to achieve all of these goals. But this summer is long enough (if not too short) to succeed in my most difficult goal. But doing this will be life altering in a good way.

As I look back too, I am by far a better person than what I was in high school. Sure, I am still growing spiritually and so forth. But I am kinda proud at to where I am in my life. Certain activities just loose their luster, or I just feel too wise to get back into it. But I am glad I am not on the path to self distruction anymore. Healing is what this year has in store for me.
I received an e-mail this afternoon from a past face. And the e-mail would have made the past me angry or just go ahead without thinking. But when I received this e-mail, I just had no desired to respond because that life is gone. And good riddance. Don't get me wrong. The past is what shapes you for you. And you are going to have to go through some tough obsticales in life and you may never feel like you are going to get out, but if you just stay with it, you will. Building Character. What kinda life would one have if we never had challenges? Boring and we wouldnt appreciate what we have.

"Even though you try something new and you are terrified, just keep telling yourself you can do it because look at the past things that used to scare you and you pulled though them"

The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD) Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. Your exact female opposite: The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master Always avoid: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM) Consider: The Manchild (RBLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - singles | Dating My profile name: : JessicaRabbit22

Myspace can let you karaoke now. The idea is just amazing. I enjoyed singing like a chipmunk to "A Little Help From My Friends",however, that is better than my actual singing voice with "Stupid Cupid". So pooh there. Anyways you all should try it.

Hilarious Campaign Ad Spoof!!!


Ur So Gay


Only Fooling Myself

 So, I am at my new job right now. Kinda slow, but I am all alone and have nothing to really do. We don't close til another 30 minutes. I only had to take one order so far. Been here all alone for almost two hours now. *shrugs*  Someone left Devil May Cry book here, I am thinking about reading it.I wish that I knew what to do. But only time will make me amazing here as it did at Hardee's. Hahaha! Right

But I absolutely love this job. I feel like this is God rewarding me for being so patient. I am truly blessed. Seriously. I can't even write down all of the things that makes this job so wonderful. But that doesn't mean I won't try.

The boss's are so nice and unintiminating.
The business is a small business so the crew is like family.
The uniform is jeans and a polo, and not a gross one like Hardee's. I don't even have to wear a polo either.
I can wear flip flops. Most of the crew walk around barefoot.

The store in Monroe has tanning beds which I tan for FREE.
The store also has batting cages.
They sale purses, sunglasses, robes, license plates, and of course shirts.
They embroider clothing.
The drive in Monroe isn't bad either! 
The crew is so much fun.
We get paid lunch breaks.
Sundays we are closed.
And the hours in the Vincennes store are 10am-6pm.

The only downside to the store in Monroe is that the customers and the crew all know eachother well and they all went to South Know.

*shrugs*

I am in totally love with my new job!!!!

SQUEE!!!

I MAY HAVE A NEW JOB!!!